14/04/06

Retford Testing Weekend

                        The weekend started for us Friday morning, having got everything ready the day before loading the beast and custard on the old pikey truck. We hooked up the caravan and set of about 7:30 am and traveled for about 2 ½ hours to little Morton Farm. On arrival Big Al The farm engineer was at work in the yard and we stopped to have a chat during which time JTV arrived with his trailer loaded up with the Big Dennis roller which almost completed apart from the engine being fitted looked quite impressive. The Stig and I after a chat with John and Andy our kind host for the weekend, disappeared down the field to get set up. We returned back up to the farmyard workshop a little later to find John putting the engine on to the mower. Andy Howard offered me a flight in his aircraft an offer that I could not refuse. We went down to the airfield and after his preflight checks we hit the runway (in right way of course) and Andy gave me a grand tour of the area over the test track and out towards Manchester pointing out all the local landmarks. A very thrilling experience Andy thank you very much. On return to the farm JTV was putting the final touches to his Dennis engine fitting. When all seemed complete an attempt was made to start the Honda GS340 but the thing seemed to have a mind of its own. Kept spitting back through the carburetor, at one point threatening to catch fire. The engine had been rebuilt using parts from a couple of other defunct engines and as it turned out after a bit of a hum and arr session the pull start cover was removed and John discovered that there was a sensor on the old engine that wasn’t on the new one. So after a bit of fiddling about modifying the engine case, the sensor was fitted at the opposite side to the coil. After reassembly the animal roared into life almost on the first pull. Smiles all around.

One smiling JTV On his Big Dennis

            Custard performed extremely well, a lot better than I expected and I received some praise for the build which gave me a great amount of pleasure. I’m still sat here with a smug look on my face. Of course not everything was perfect a few bits to alter like the accelerator pedal and the brake pedal but nothing major. I hope to build a manual clutch into the system hopefully before the first race but that can wait till all else is done. The weekend went well with everybody trying everybody else’s machine out and comparing notes and builds. Must admit I got quite a few good ideas from a few people and will be acting upon them as and when. (this is what called nicking ideas).

The one anti climax was an unfortunate incident with Daz who has hurt his back and had to be taken to hospital. He was going round the back of the chicane bails and the mower went down last years dunny hole. It had been filled in of course but the ground had sunk some six to nine inches I believe and the mower a group three belonging to Deano a southern brother ( http://www.whosracing.com/ ) did a series of somersaults and turns and came to a stand still some yards further down the track. The mower suffered some damage to the back axle and wheels but appeared to be ok other than that, a testement to the build. The more serious side was of course Daz getting hurt. We wish you a speedy recovery Daz  and look forward to your return.

I believe Daz is now on the mend and smiling. Daz Are you the first man in history to do a triple somersault with a lawnmower strapped to his back and launching himself from a dissued Dunny

29^th April-1^st May 2006

The North West Lawnmower Racing Association’s season started off at the Nottingham city of steam event at Wollaton Park. I traveled down with the Stig in his pikey truck and my caravan. We arrived latish on about 10 o’clock and very quickly got the caravan set up. Basically wound the legs down, grabbed a couple of beers and went round to see who was about. We Found the Sutton Coldfield Crowd between their camper vans with a diesel space heater blowing nice warm air into the area. This was powered by a generator which turned out to be mine. Phil had been so kind as to take it with him on the last meet to fix it for me. A marvelous job he did too, thank you so much Phil. We had a few beers and retired to get some kip.

Saturday morning we realized how cramped the area we had been allocated was, not quite as big as we could have wished for. The track was very tight but made for some very interesting racing, tight corners etc.

The racing kicked off about 1 ish with the group 2s and 3s doing the first race followed by the group 4s and I did my best but didn’t get anywhere. This was more down to me than the machine. Rozza starred on 64 he seemed unstoppable and full of fire and determination a man to watch.

Rozza on the 64 flying machine

 Custard not quite so fast

Daz  made an appearance like the true racer that he is and once or twice I think he overdid it a bit with trying to help but that’s daz for you. Nice to see you there daz.

In the evening a few of us went to the local pub, the Admiral Bender or something and we partook of a few beverages. Stu and Dave ordered a meal apiece the plates were well filled and if troughing his way through his own meal wasn’t enough, he had some of Daves as well. On the way back we saw the weediest security guard ever doing his best impression of a girlie run you have ever seen. If he couldn’t fight anybody he could flail em to death with his legs. Further down the field we visited a reenactment group, we thought they were supposed to be westerners but we couldn’t find a single gun (or a plate of beans) anywhere. But it sure smelt like they'd bean eating them.

We retired latish on about half past two.

Sunday the wife and daughter turned up with the grand children and Stigs Mother to pay a visit. It didn’t take the missus long to give me an earful about the state of the caravan muddy boot prints over the carpet etc. Then came the real crucial blow Joanne my daughter and Stigs wife told me the bog stunk and Id better clean it out. I did point out that it was in fact a toilet and considering what it is used for, It was not surprising. I might add at this point that its not the Stig and myself that was unclean just the women being a tadge fastidious as we were not quite up to their standards. The evening was spent in the company of Dave and T in there awning enjoying a few light refreshments as is the case.

Monday morning I was a little late to arise must have been 8:30 ish due to a late night talking. JTV arrived without the Dennis as it hadn’t been completed. There was only a few of us left as quite a few members had to leave Sunday night due to other commitments. The racing was getting really rough with all the holes getting deeper so in the end we had to call a halt a little bit sooner than normal. And we packed up heading off home via the A50. Would have made good time only some unfortunate person had decided to tow his caravan on its side for a short distance closing the dual carriageway on that side and making it near impossible to get on the roundabout at our side.

Traveling down on Friday evening we arrived late on about 10ish. The weather was a bit wet but not too bad. Andy took Jo and two of my grandchildren with him Tom his son and Jack another grandson. I took my Wife and another grandson Kieran Jacks brother with me. So there was quite a party of us for this one.

Saturday morning was quite damp but the rain was holding off in the main. And we all set about setting the track up. Some of us were erecting the catch fencing whilst others laid out the track. Of course it soon became apparent what lawnmower group laid the track out. Sweeping bends and straights plus being a bit muddy to boot. Could it have been the group 2 boys had something to do with this?

The competition was strong with a welcome turn out from the southern group boosting the ranks. Rodge with his group 2 roller, the Durbanater  with two machines agroup 2 and a group 4. and of course Mark Jaffa with a group 4.

The racing started with the usual practice at dinner time with a short break before 1pm when the first race started. The track was extremely slippy and 180degree spins was easy to do and braking was almost none affective on certain parts of the track, the rear end of the Scag is proof of this as I did remodel it for the Stig although I must point out that he wasn’t driving it at the time but Phil (Grasscutter). Martin was struggling a fair bit with his modified group2 trailer. Martin had tried shortening it to help round corners but the track was far too slippy and muddy and the rear wheels clogged up with the mudguards and the weight distribution seemed to be losing a bit of drive off the main roller. Would be a good trailer on a dry track perhaps. The day finished off with a re introduction of the ladies race.

The participants of which very rarely got on a mower and some had never been on one. The biggest surprise was Mary the £3 stingy breakfast specialist (they really are good breakfasts highly recomended and yes I am scared of you)who after the ladies race had the fortitude to ride the Scag, a machine that puts fear into the hearts of many. Bravo Mary. Jtv turned up with the Dennis and an engine that made a squeeling noise from the inside somewhere and we spent a while looking at this with him but never really got to the bottom of it. MR TV Kev was also lending a hand and it was getting dark so Kev being the ever helpful chap he is got a torch. Someone shouted TV Kev and he turned round so fast (probably thought a camera was about) and stuck one on Fluff (Pete Collishaw) with the torch giving him a right shiner. Or was it the left Pete. As for myself and a few others we departed to the beer tent for a small refresher or two.

Sunday saw the arrival Of Tony (I’ll fight em Reg) with his group 2 and when the racing started he certainly showed his metal he fought every body on track.

 The number 25 machine is proving to be a more than worthy opponent for anyone. Custard was showing quite a few signs of wear from the now extremely bumpy track.

Like to say I was way in front but I wasn't

Loads of bolts etc were getting shaken loose as were my few remaining teeth. One more race I would be calling myself Justone tooth instead of Justice Mowers. Stu put on a fine display with his lawn bug proving to all the skeptics that they are a formidable machine in the right hands and not dated as some would have us believe.

It was a late arrival for the Stig and I but as was customary people met us with a cheery smile and forced us to have a drink or two till the early hours of Saturday morning when with relief we retired for a good nights sleep ready for the mornings racing.

Saturday found us waking to bright sunshine and what was to prove an extremely hot day. We set the track out and after a bit of chopping and changing we settled on a track that suited everyone I personally wanted to put a lot of tight bends in it to keep the group 2s from getting round but I was sort of told not on. The first points race I managed to roll custard over and get stuck under the machine but my trusty hero was on hand TV Kev who quickly came to the scene of the crash and on noticing I was trapped under the mower he immediately started rifling through my pockets

Not really as I’m sure you will all realize Kev picked the tractor up like a true hero and showed the proper concern. ( I was actually rescued by a true TV hero) 

I raced on for a few laps but My leg was sore and I had pulled a muscle or something in my side and being the cautious and sensitive chap I am I parked up just before the finishing post and waited till the last lap then crossed the line.

Sort of bruised meself Didn't I

Any way after the race I was asked what happened and how could I manage to roll a mower on the straight. I couldn’t figure it out myself so the lads decided further investigation was required and evidence had to be protected

It doesn't look bad but the bonnet is bust

My racing was over for the day as I was feeling a trifle painful in the ribs and the track though not to rough was rock hard and giving me a bit of a shaking about.

Well while the football was on StiG Reg and myself went to Retford to fetch the Dennis up For JTV who was that grateful he became token tea boy for the day and fetched us lunch.

Cheers John Brilliant chilli

Sat evening John Temperton came out with his welding plant and allowed us the use of his workshop to repair custard Thanks John this was of course followed by  the usual gathering round of groups for a light social drink a natter and joke.

From left to right

Mark, Andy, Martin, John, Sam, Tony, and Stig

Sunday morning Still found me worse for wear on the feeling sorry for myself scene so I more or less took it easy just doing a few laps in a couple of races.

JTV doing the business on #8 TV kevs machine

Custard going through the paces after repair Rozza driving

Rozza

Look what I found in the grass, Cyril Smith's colostomy bag

The journey down to Willingham the home of two of our members Martin and Sam all went smoothly made damn good time till we arrived at the A156 approximately 6 miles out. The road had been closed due to an unfortunate accident. A simple detour was called for and it turned out to be about 25 miles (probably due to my crap navigation) this left me arriving after midnight. Still not be daunted I duly set up the caravan and calmed my tattered nerves with a calming beer or two. Saturday morning was a lovely sunny one and having had a few hours’ kip I was feeling on top form. The racing duly got under way after a few practice laps with the points race. Competition was quite fierce with Rozza and Phil Davies racing close but unfortunately Phil developed a clutch problem leaving Mark to take the top points for group 4. Sunday saw Phil make quite a comeback Taking second to Ron Gray who it has to be admitted showed an amazing turn of speed off the line and out of the corners. Ron did have a major mishap on Saturday with a steering failure and he made a sudden departure into the hedge finding the only solid object in the field, a stone water trough that had till then been out of sight.

The Stig #7 was performing rather well in the group 2 wheels and was only surpassed by #25 Tony Dwight who does seem to have a definite advantage in the corners and once he had passed the Stig he opened up a gap in very quick time.

Group 2 roller, Gordon Nicholls who is showing a marked improvement won both points races over the weekend in this class. He was however the only group 2 on Saturday but the arrival of the Double director general over all things group 2 did his best to give some competition in this class on the Sunday but with recent changes to his mower and what turned out to be a very tired engine he struggled to keep up. The tightening up of his engine almost to the point of seizing later in the day only served to prove that John has a lot of work to do this week before the 12 hour. Hope everything comes together John.

Group 3. #86 Ian Carter won on both days and put up a sterling performance.

As to the performance of Custard. No excuses I just did crap as usual. I still need some work on the tractor, probably needs some minor adjustment with a small stick of gelignite or similar.

Seriously though I feel that there is yet some potential when I get the clutch sorted as I reckon it’s cutting in too early and not in the power band thus denying me decent acceleration off the line and out of corners, mind you a couple of stone of the driver could do wonders as well. Hopefully a manual clutch will help resolve the problem and as I do the alterations I will add pics to web site if I don’t set fire to my self again. JUst a few piccies of the meet. Please note on the second pic the strategic position of the sewerage farm cunningly placed to attract the flies away from the racing field. You will of course all recognise the familiar face of Mr TV Kev whom throughout was consistently helpful to all. I did kindly help myself to the sausage and some turkey of his barbecue.....Not really Kev/Nichola they were wonderful.

The last picture is of Carol who I believe was making her first attempt on a mower and she did very well as we all know how frightning these machines can be to the first time drivers. Well done Carol.

As to the social side of events. The planned barbecue for Saturday evening was unfortunately abandoned due to the start of a sudden downpour lasting for a short while then easing up to a steady drizzle down but no one seemed the least bit perturbed by this and did what most people do in an emergency, Gather under an awning, crack a tinny or two and get social.

Later Saturday evening saw me chatting with friends who shall remain nameless at this point for obvious reason as the highlight of the evening appeared to be a slug race with only one slug. Needless to say some liquid refreshment had been consumed and I have to confess that at the time it did and still does on afterthought seem amusing. Sunday of course as is usual was an alcohol free day as after the racing we all have to drive home.

I of course close this report with thanks to all just for being who you are, a marvelously friendly crowd and a pleasure to know.

(Disclaimer---Any sucking up to members on this website by the author is purely intentional and should not be mistaken for an accident or typing error)

This was for me quite a local event compared to some we travel to and it was a real pleasure arriving in daylight. I traveled down on the Saturday dinner 26^th as the organizers wouldn’t allow entrance onto the field prior to 2pm on that day. Racing wasn’t due to start till Sunday lunch so after setting up the caravan and unloading the tractor. I settled down to a small libation or two (as is usual). Spent a very pleasant evening chatting and what have you. A small discussion arose as to whether or not in the old cartoon Captain Pugwash their were such characters as Seaman Stains, Roger the cabin boy and last but not least Master Bates. No decision was arrived at but a bit of mirth was enjoyed by all participants. (Fancy grown people arguing over such a subject.) Of course by the time I write this report the ever resourceful Stig has found the answer on the internet. Tom the cabin boy, Barnabus, Willy And Master mate. Enough ramblings forward to the racing.

Prior to the race starting on Sunday we were invited down to the parade ring at the show to demonstrate our machines to the admiring public (I hope). We did a few laps round the ring and parked in formation while T was interviewed by the MC (who described us as a bunch of nutters. Of course with no more ado The Stig hops off his machine and said to me “he called us a bunch of tossers”, he was wearing his helmet at the time and can be excused for this small mishearing. We seemed to be well received by the crowd and left to a round of applause.

Two new group 2 rollers made an appearance. Phil Brookes and Colin Hedley. Phil’s machine seemed to perform well with his tried and tested old Kawasaki engine. Colin despite some early problems (bits falling of it) did very well for his first time out and with a few repairs and modifications should prove to be a good machine. One notable member who was missing was Tony #25, he was on honeymoon in spain. This gave the Stig a clear field on the group 2 wheels.

The first points race on Saturday was won by #100 Phil Davies after a sterling performance and he was followed home over the line by #64 Mark Rostron who despite putting up a tremendous effort failed to catch Phil. This result was again repeated on the Sunday Giving Phil 2 wins and Mark 2 seconds leaving the two of them only a couple of points apart for the championship.

For a full account of the racing see the NWLMRA home page http://www.nwlmra.org/ 

  We also had an unfortunate incident with #99 Gordon Nichols who is apparently trying his best to win the Lotto award for the most rollovers in a weekend. Having managed to roll twice. Unfortunately he broke his thumb on the second attempt and had to retire from racing. Also missing off the track this weekend was Dave askew of John Deere fame who seems to be suffering a recurring back problem, Hope to see you both well soon.

The JD drive was taken over by Jason Whitehead who put up a very spirited performance and managed two third places. As for myself I did a pretty average performance till I managed to smash a front wheel and puncture the tyre. But I managed to scrounge a spare off the ever so kind Martin Shaw. Added to this I managed to obtain some Steele wheels kindly donated by Andy Rostron and Mark, and with a bit of work on them I should be Bigger and stronger than before.

I have a bit more development work to do on custard and as I complete the changes I will post them complete with pics to demonstrate where I cocked up with the build in the first place and with a bit of luck anyone reading my build pages will manage to avoid the same pitfalls.

Just a few pics of the meet

Hi again to everyone.

            The last race of the season is now over and what an absolutely splendid weekend was had. The weather was pretty good for the time of year keeping dry. The track was as good as could be expected and held up pretty well. I would like to give a big thank you to Andy and Helen Howard who once again did us all extremely proud as our hosts for this meeting. Of course many thanks to all those who helped to set up the track and marquee etc. The marshals who did a splendid job some of which were stood out for most of if not the entire six hours. And last but not least to the catering, up to its normal high standards including the £3 stingies. (all day breakfast to those not in the know).

The usual start the weekend was on Friday night with a superb performance by the 10 o clock Horses. Only one prat act on and that was me trying to tell a crap joke and dying on my feet as they say. Still I suppose it saves someone else taking the title of prat of the evening.

        Saturday night was also one of entertainment with the auction for charity raising somwhere in the region of £2.500 for the sparks charity thanks to all those kingd generous people spending ther money on items donated by equally generous people. This followed by and evening of horse racing. On vidio not real horses of course. I myself was lucky enough to have 3 winners. Which went more or less straight back into the pot via the beer tickets. The evning finished in the region of 2:30--3:00 am with a small stroll back to the caravans and one individual who succumbed to the evening by totally flaking out. No it wasn't me for a change.

The winners were the Peggy Babcock team closely followed by the Weapons of Grass Destruction. Both teams completed 136 laps with Peggy babcock completing there laps in a slightly faster time. I myself was on a standard trying to look invisible in Camouflage along with Martin Shaw (alias chuffer dandridge) under the name of Chuffer goes to war. I was fortunate enough to to get some sponsorship from quite a number of work colleagues and when I get all the money in I believe that there will be about £260 for a local charity St Johns hospice in Lancaster. Thanks to all who sponsored me for this. It makes it worth while looking like a dickhead for a few hours. We came in last but what do you expect when driving round with a world war 2 cannon strapped to your mower. Anyhow just a few pics from the event.